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Joan Rater on "I Like You So Much Better When You're Naked"

Derek is now Chief!  Actually he’s just the interim Chief but the way he went about getting there is what I’d like to start with.  Richard is drinking again.  Richard is a recovering alcoholic who’s been sober a long time and the fact that he’s drinking again … Derek feels torn, between supporting his old friend and wanting to protect the hospital from a man who’s fallen off the wagon. At the beginning of the episode we see that Derek has realized that in order to be a friend to Richard, he has to go to the Board.   Because along with the drinking comes the lies and the poor judgment.  This is about more that just a friend who is struggling with sobriety, it’s about the hospital, people’s lives …  Meredith sees it differently.  She says the Chief was drinking but promised Meredith he would stop.  And she trusts him, he wouldn’t lie to her.  And, more importantly, she didn’t confide to Derek the surgeon about Richard's drinking, she confided to Derek her husband.  There have to be lines drawn, boundaries … and when Meredith screams, “Post it!”  Derek backs down.  The post it wins, so Derek her husband urges her to at least think about what’s best for the hospital. 

What I love about this scene, besides the fact that the actors played it brilliantly, is that it shows how they’ve matured.  This is a real grown-up argument.  Meredith isn’t running away, getting all dark and going to Cristina for help getting out of her marriage.  She’s staying and fighting.  Professional/personal boundaries are tricky to negotiate for couples who work together (I should know since my writing partner is also my husband, hi Tony) and Shonda really wanted to see our couples be couples this year.  Grow, mature, try to be happy.  We really want to show that struggle, that in the midst of the ugly argument, you can still love the person and find them sexy, which is why I loved it that Derek got all turned on by Meredith in the course of the argument. 

Now … the scene where Derek pours Richard a drink.  We talked about that scene a lot.  Derek doesn’t trust Richard and now Richard is going into a very difficult surgery and he’s bringing Meredith with him.  And promising her a procedure that Bailey says she’s not ready to do.  Derek can’t let that happen.  So he goes and confronts Richard.  Tempts him.  He pours the drink and dares Richard not to drink it.  It’s a little bit cruel, but Derek feels that it’s justified, in the scene where he asks Owen what he should do.  Owen gives him the go ahead, if someone’s fighting dirty, it’s okay to fight back dirty as long as you’re doing it for the greater good.  And when Derek leaves Richard’s office it’s like both he and Richard know Richard is powerless over the alcohol.  Derek is saying he sees Richard.  Richard may be able to fool Meredith, but Derek sees him.  And Derek now knows what he has to do.  He has to convince Meredith to go to the Board.  And so he tells her that if he becomes Chief he’ll hire back Izzie.  He makes her choose between Izzie and the Chief. 

And of course he knows that she’ll choose Izzie.  He’s playing a big game of chess and it’s like he just said checkmate.  It’s about doing the right thing.  It’s about ends justifying the means.  But it’s also about ambition. 

The theme of this episode was exposure but when I watched it being shot I realized it was really about ambition. Derek wants to be Chief; Meredith wants to do a procedure that she knows she isn’t ready for; Cristina wants Teddy to stay.  Years ago I was trying to be an actor and I remember one day in acting class we were talking about a character’s motivation and my acting teacher said there are really only two things that motivate people:  sex and ambition.   Every choice can be boiled down to one or the other. I remember being really struck by that and I’ve thought about it over the years, and in a way I believe it. I mean, of course we do things for other reasons -- we do things for our kids because we love them, and if you’re like me you do things out of guilt.  And for donuts.   But when Derek and Meredith lay in bed at the end of the episode and she says she understands why Derek did what he did, she doesn’t like it but she gets it.  She’s ambitious too.  It’s bittersweet and true.  I like that.  It was a crappy day.  She didn’t like what Derek did.  But she’s here, in bed, telling him.  She’s a grown up. 

Stacy McKee on "Invest in Love"

I can’t, of course, blog without talking about Meredith and Derek who, admittedly, don’t have a LOT of screen time this episode. But the time they have is, I think, utterly charming and adorable. I love seeing them be happy and married and totally in sync with one another.

We were, of course, limited a little by the fact that when we filmed this, Ellen had JUST had her baby. In fact, this is the first episode we filmed with her post pregnancy. (It was really fun, actually. She had tons of adorable baby photos to share. That is one cute baby with one FANTASTIC wardrobe. Just saying.)

Pete Nowalk on "Give Peace a Chance"

It also seemed like the perfect time to do our Derek-focused episode since we had little time to shoot with Ellen Pompeo (8 1/2 months pregnant at the time we shot this one).  Typically, if Derek's doing a once-in-a-lifetime neurosurgery, Meredith would be at his side.  But since we couldn't physically do that, we had her be there for him in a different way -- by helping him talk through the problem, by holding a phone to her ear for 26 hours...  (I'm guessing Cristina and Meredith have an unlimited friend-to-friend calling plan in case anyone was worried about their minutes).  So Mer was there for Der even when it seemed impossible...and I'm very jealous.  That's the truth.  I’m jealous that Meredith and Derek get to work together and support each other and speak their secret surgery language together AND still actually love each other.  I guess they’ve been through their fare share of relationship crap.  They’ve earned a little peace.  Still, I'm jealous. 

Jenna Bans on "Tainted Obligation"

And though it seemed that Derek had a small part in Meredith’s story tonight, what he did for her was as important as if he had talked her face off for six scenes – he let her have space.  It’s funny, ‘cause in the writers’ room he DID have six scenes of talking her face off – he was originally going to point out all the pros and cons of donating the liver, he was going to be sort of a sounding board for her as she worked it out.  But then we came to something better, the idea of visually showing Mer struggle while Derek watches, knowing he can’t help her with this. Knowing to stop Cristina from going to her because she can’t help Mer either.  He knows his wife well enough to realize this was a huge, huge decision that she had to come to herself – and simply waited, ready to support her, whatever she should decide.

Joan Rater on "(I Always Feel Like) Somebody's Watchin' Me"

When we were writing the episode we realized that it didn’t seem right that Meredith would be paranoid, which is when we came up with the idea that because of her chaotic childhood, she gets calm in a crisis.  It’s when she’s at her best.  It’s what makes her a great doctor, makes her the glue that holds all her friends together, and it’s what Derek needs right now because whatever it is that’s going on with him and the Chief looks like it’s going to get worse before it gets better …

Krista Vernoff on "Good Mourning" and "Goodbye"

Meredith's using sex to deal with her grief - like she did when she found out McDreamy was married.


Mer using sex to avoid her feelings is not, as Raamla points out, unchartered territory.   What I love, though, is that Mer is now healthy enough to actually TALK about the fact that that’s what she’s doing.  I LOVE the “cancer-pop” scene – where Mer points out that Cristina’s not processing her grief AT ALL and is therefore on uber-Cristina mode – wholly abrasive and insensitive and inappropriate. But Mer knows that she herself is using sex and work to avoid her grief and that that’s working for her. Until that janitor cleans out George’s locker and it stops working for her.  When Meredith finally cries for George…I cried again for George. And I’m about to cry now just thinking about it, so…y’know, moving on…

Shonda Rhimes on "What a Difference a Day Makes"

That happy woman you saw?  Doing her solo surgery and smiling at the Chief?  The one giving her wedding away with warmth and joy?  THAT WAS THE SAME WOMAN WHO TRIED TO DROWN HERSELF.  That was our dark and twisty girl.  All grown up.  Whole.  Healed.  FOR REAL.  It was a day I never thought we’d see (well, I did think it but…hell, you know what I mean).  For once, Mer is the calm one. The happy one.  The one who is fine.  For once, Mer is whole and healed and happy.  She doesn’t have a problem other than the Chief peeking over her shoulder during her solo surgery.  She is excited about her marriage.  She is calm.  She doesn’t need her eyebrows shaved off to be numbed into the submission of marriage.  She is fine.

That is shocking, I think.  So I’m going to say it again.  SHE.  IS. FINE.

That was my point.  After 100 episodes, Meredith Grey is grown up.  She is the thing her mother wished for her.  She is extraordinary.  Because, to get past the crap of your past?  To move on?  To let the past go and change?  That is extraordinary.  To love?  Without fear?  Without screwing it up?  That is extraordinary.  It makes me happy to see her happy.

But I’m coming back to Mer and Der.  Happy.  Completely and totally happy.  Which is rare for anyone.  But shocking for Meredith and Derek.  They really are soul mates. And they really are perfect for one another.

Sonay Washington on "Sweet Surrender"

Let’s end this discussion with some happiness. How proud are we to see Meredith all grown up?  I mean, she is.  Meredith is so sure that she wants to marry Derek Shepherd that it doesn’t even come up for discussion with Cristina.  Meredith is sure.  The only thing Meredith isn’t sure about is this wedding that Izzie is planning.  I mean, Izzie is going all wedding-planning-zilla on Meredith, except rather than go crazy, Izzie is using her illness to get everything she wants.  And Meredith wants to make Izzie happy.  No, this wedding isn’t what Meredith wanted – buffalo wings, hair in a pony tail, reception at “Joe’s” is what she wanted.  But Meredith has grown up, people, and growing means giving your dying friend whatever she wants.  And it doesn’t stop there.  Meredith is finally the big sister that Lexie wants and needs.  I LOVE when Meredith and Lexie approach the guys in the scrub room.  To see Meredith take up for her little sister makes us proud of Meredith.  And the last moment with Meredith and Lexie is wonderful.  Yes, we are happy that Derek and Mark mend their friendship but we are happier that Meredith is accepting her family.  That she’s letting people in.  That she’s growing.

Stacy McKee on "Elevator Love Letter"

And I’ve saved the best, of course, for last. The Elevator Proposal.

First of all, you should know that there’s a long standing debate in our writers’ room about what does or does not make for a good marriage proposal. Some of us prefer what Shonda calls the Oooey Gooey Disgusting stuff –  the more traditional proposals, usually involving grand gestures and flowers and rings and romance. But Shonda’s taste is exactly the opposite of any of that. The minute one of us launches into a romantic recounting of one of our own marriage proposals… Shonda basically covers her ears as though they might bleed. To her, those oooey gooey romance filled proposals are pretty much akin to… well… Hell. Which is why she’s Shonda. She’s a little dark and twisty - in all the best ways. It’s also what makes her a little like Meredith Grey.

So you can imagine just how hard it was to come up with what the perfect marriage proposal might be for Meredith Grey. It couldn’t be oooey and gooey. Couldn’t be a traditional, down on one knee proposal. But it’s also a piece of Grey’s Anatomy history, five seasons in the making. It needed to be true to who Meredith and Derek are together – what their history is, why they love each other, how they understand each other…

And it did have to be romantic. But not predictably romantic. It had to feel magical and fresh and totally, completely perfect for Meredith and Derek.

So what better place than their elevator? And what better way than by revisiting their lives together as doctors? It would be wrong for Derek Shepherd to get down on one knee. Even worse for him to offer up the ring he hit into the woods. Derek needed to give Meredith HER perfect proposal. Which, as it turns out, involved an elevator, light boxes and a lot of brain scans.

I love that Meredith only says yes when the proposal is right. She stays true to herself; she won’t say yes out of pity or because Derek needs an ego boost. She will only – can only – say yes once Izzie is fine. Once Derek is fine. Once the proposal is finally, totally right. And what I love is that what makes the proposal right is that Derek finally gets it. He finally understands and accepts completely who Meredith really is. Sure – she’s got a dark side. She’s seen more trauma in her life than most people. And, amazingly, she’s just about the only person this entire episode NOT suffering from PTSD. As Derek says, she’s seen worse, she’s survived worse, and she knows the people around her will survive it too.

What I love is that Derek finally puts into words the one thing she really needs to hear from him. That Meredith’s dark side is not a flaw, it’s her strength. It’s what makes her who she is. And that’s why he loves her.

See? Not too cheesy. Not too sappy. Magical proposals CAN be achieved, even without rose petals and rings in champagne glasses! Although, it does help when Grisly Adams finally shaves off his beard!

Zoanne Clack on "Stand By Me"

Yes!  Mer takes back the night!  I mean this literally (she’s getting back her man) and figuratively (using the reference of women empowering themselves because as I’m sure you know, March is Women’s History Month – catch the nearest parade in your city).  Derek says, “I love you” and Mer answers, “I know”… anybody remember that from somewhere else?  Come on, let your geek flow.  The writers here at Grey’s Anatomy have no problems letting our geek flow.  We like to think of it as being “geek chic” and we welcome you to join us.  But it’s not just the writers actually, everybody embraces their inner geek here.  The editor of this episode, Susan Vaill, emailed me all excited that we’d put it in and taken this exchange back for the ladies.  Okay, some of you may already know what I’m talking about whilst others of you are completely lost.  Anybody see a little movie called “The Empire Strikes Back”?  Princess Leia says, “I love you” to Han Solo right before he’s about to be frozen in carbonite (another reference we’ve used before… episode 416… season 4 finale… cement boy… ring any bells?) and Han Solo says, “I know.”  And he kind of says it in an “of course you do, look at me” kind of way.  So now, we’ve taken back that exchange and handed it over to the women.  And we’ve made it both feminist and feminine at the same time I’d like to think.  Feminist because Mer’s all “I’m woman, hear me roar” because she’s all that and of course he still loves her; but feminine at the same time because he’s vulnerable, and she’s not taking advantage of that moment, and she loves him, too.  She’s not giving up on him.  She’s not giving up on their love and she’s not giving up on him as a surgeon.  She’s standing by her principles and standing by her man.

Jenna Bans on "I Will Follow You Into The Dark"

So my Mom – she really loves Grey’s Anatomy. In fact, she calls me after every episode, thrilled and excited to tell me what scenes she loved, what lines made her laugh, whose performance made her cry…Tonight I asked her what she thought and there was a long silence. And then: HE HIT THE RING WITH THE BAT!? I know many of you are equally as shocked, maybe a little horrified, and I’m with you. It was brutal to watch. But here’s what I really want you to take from it – Meredith’s reaction to it all was infused with a maturity and strength that was five seasons in the making. She didn’t crumple to the ground sobbing, she told him to do his worst, because she’s not going anywhere. She knows he’s drunk and angry, she knows he’s lashing out at her because that’s what you do when you’re drunk and angry and filled with self-loathing, you lash out at the last people in the world you should be lashing out at, the people you love and most importantly, she knows Derek doesn’t mean it. She knows he’s at his lowest, professionally, personally…so she’s not gonna bail on him. She’s gonna let him have his little “the world is a better place without me operating in it” tantrum and when the dust settles, Mer’s still gonna be standing there, supporting him.  Because that’s what you do in a relationship. That’s what you do in a marriage. For better or for worse, right? So you can choose to see the end of this episode as a MerDer nuclear holocaust, but I really hope you don’t. I hope you can see it as I do – as progress. Twisted progress, yes, but hopeful all the same. For better or for worse, people.

Tony Phelan and Joan Rater on "Before and After"

Oh, one more thing – Meredith and Derek.  One thing I sort of love about this episode is that although Addison is back in the hospital, Meredith is fine.  She and Derek are solid and it’s not that weird for her to see Addison.  It’s weird for all of Addison’s friends, but I think it shows what a good solid place the Mer/Der relationship is in that she’s not freaking out about Addison, she’s having more of a reaction to seeing Derek with his past.  He had a whole life before her.  I liked exploring the idea that you never really know a person.  On the one hand, that can be scary and make you feel left out, but on the other, it makes life interesting … there’s always more to someone than meets the eye.  And on that note … I think I’ll stop my rambling and go to bed.  After writing this, I’m kind of in the mood to look at old pictures but that usually ends up in me calling old friends.  Old friends who may not appreciate the call because they’re probably sleeping.  On the other hand, they are old friends so they’re more likely to forgive me.

Bill Harper On "Beat Your Heart Out"

So I felt especially close to Derek as he spends the day trying to plan the perfect proposal.  (Can we just take a second here to say DEREK’S GOING TO PROPOSE. Who would have thought that a drunken tussle on Ellis’s living room rug would lead to this?  Not Meredith, I bet.)  And while Derek’s twisting himself inside out to keep this surprise for Meredith, trying to find exactly the right way to do it, all of his efforts are actually backfiring, sending the wrong signals and sending her into a panic.

Mark Wilding on "Stairway to Heaven"

In this case, a possible proposal.  And even though it looked like Derek might be so put off by Meredith’s charitable behavior towards William that he would never propose, we got the nice, lump in the throat, surprise at the end of the episode when Derek shows up outside the prison.  A nice surprise because a couple of seasons ago, he might have been so disgusted with her behavior that he might not have shown up.  I think that gestures shows that their relationship is really maturing.  That’s what happens in relationships.  If you want to keep it going, you forgive things that bother the crap out of you.  If you DON’T want to keep it going, you dump the person.  Or divorce them.  You should not, under any circumstances, poison them with arsenic.  That is bad.

Jenna Bans on "Sympathy for the Devil"

And best of all, she sees through the ponytail and the frozen robot smile and the crazy and realizes that Mer’s the one for her son. Personally, I think Carolyn spends a lot of time thinking about how Derek’s father’s death has affected Derek. I think she feels it’s hardened him, made him a man who can’t be swayed from his convictions, sometimes to his detriment. Sometimes at the expense of his humanity. And I think she sees the exact opposite qualities in Meredith. Mer doesn’t see the same line separating right and wrong that Derek does. In fact, I don’t know if she even sees a line at all. Probably more of a blurry smudge. And I think Carolyn feels Derek needs a little of that in his life, needs a little grey (ew, I know, sorry, couldn’t resist). And by the way, that scene at the end when she gives Derek the ring off her finger, and tells him Mer’s the one?? I love the way they played that scene. I didn’t script the tears or Tyne resting her head on Patrick’s shoulder…they just came to that naturally and it kills me every time I see it. Because every son has his issues with his mother, and Derek’s no exception, but at the end of the day, these two are in a really good place – they have a pretty healthy relationship and you hardly ever see that on TV.  Speaking of which, I’m going to call my Mom right now…

Stacy McKee on "These Ties That Bind"

One story I love in this episode involves Meredith and her other person – Derek. Meredith and Derek are as healthy and happy as we’ve ever seen them. And what I love is that they are functioning the way solid, happy couples function. In this case, Derek sees a chance for Meredith to connect with her sister, he encourages her to do so – and it works. Once Meredith talks to Lexie, she does get worried about her little sister’s well being, and enlists Derek’s help keeping Little Sloan out of Little Grey.

Which, by the way, really IS one of the most ridiculous things any grown man (especially Derek Shepherd) could say to one another man. And that makes it all the more sweet that Derek is perfectly willing to say it to Mark Sloan. He does it for Meredith. Which makes me love him for loving her so completely.

Jenna Bans on "There's No 'I' In Team"

Especially Derek and Meredith. What I love about “The Shepherd Method” (how awesome was that American Neurosurgery magazine – props to the props people!) is that both Meredith and Derek have completely valid arguments. Meredith, as Bailey points out, did work her ass off on that clinical trial. And it was totally her idea. However, Derek is the attending and in the medical journal world, would absolutely get the credit. So it’s a classic professional standoff – complicated by the fact that these two people share a bed. Now if Meredith did the clinical trial with say, Erica Hahn, could we see her getting all riled up about the credit? Think about that. Not a chance, right? (Not like anyone in their right mind would ever pick a fight with Erica Hahn anyway) So it’s not just about the medicine, it’s not just about the principal of the thing, it’s also about Mer’s hurt that Derek never even said thank you. There are major miffed feelings involved. Big picture point is, when you fall in love and move in with your sort of boss, the personal bleeds on over into the professional, and it gets messy.  And happily for us writers who are constantly looking for ways to exploit the Mer/Der drama, there’s no easy way out of that.  As Bailey tells Derek in the end, he’s gonna have to learn to live in the mess. It’s not simple. But it’s fun to watch. And if anyone can wade through it and make a kidney in a jar look all fun and sexy, it’s these two.

Krista Vernoff on "Here Comes The Flood"

Point is, I’m proud of Meredith that she got as far as she did. And I love that last scene where she stands up to Derek. She doesn’t get drunk. She doesn’t freak out. She doesn’t walk away. She doesn’t ignore him. She doesn’t leave him. She just stands there and tells him her truth. And that is so so so hard and so so so scary for her (as it is for a lot of us.) And what I love most is the look of shock on her face when it works.  It’s so hard to change.  For everyone I know, change and growth are deeply difficult tasks.   And so it makes me happy for Meredith and Derek that they are taking baby steps toward happiness and function.

When we were shooting that scene, Ellen expressed concern to me about her question to Derek at the end. “You still love me?” She was concerned that it sent a message to the girls and women who watch our show that a man’s love is the thing that matters most.  (But she didn’t say the girls and women who watch our show. She said “the future Coco’s of the world.” Cause Coco’s my daughter, and Ellen’s no dummy, she knows how to get a writer to listen!) But my feeling is this: I was not trying to say that a man’s love is what matters most. I was trying to say that the ability to know and trust that you (and by you I mean, me, Meredith, all of us) are lovable.   To be willing to stand in your truth, stand in your vulnerability, stand in your fear, stand at your breaking point and hold on to yourself – that’s what matters.  And that’s what surprises Meredith. She’s shocked that she’s allowed to be herself and someone loves her anyway.  Those of us who grew up in the sometimes loving but sometimes terrifying and sometimes cataclysmic way that Meredith grew up? We sometimes need to learn, and need to be reminded, more than once, that we are lovable just as we are.  Ellen got on board – and I thought she delivered the moment beautifully. 

Shonda Rhimes - The End of the Beginning (Post Season Four)

So I pitched Meredith standing on Derek’s land in a field of candles telling Derek where the living room could be, where the kitchen could be, where the kids could play.  Because I wanted them together.  I hated them being apart.  It made me sad.  It made me sad in a way that was bad for me and for everyone around me.

But like I said, I don’t do warm and fuzzy. So that last scene, it was hard for me.  To let her be oogey on the inside.  So instead, Meredith is screaming and pacing and cursing like a fishwife.  Because that’s how we do things at Grey’s.  She’s going to love Derek and be with Derek but she’s going to go in kicking and screaming.  And then I really didn’t want to just end with the two of them kissing.  Everyone said, “end with the kiss, end with the kiss, end with THE KISS.”  And I was all stubborn about it.  Because this episode, it’s not about the kiss.  It’s about the moment AFTER the kiss.  It’s about the moment when she’s standing in the field of candles alone having just DONE the thing she was most scared of doing.  She is free.  She is free.  And you’ll notice, there’s no voice over there, no Meredith telling us anything.  Because, for once, my girl Meredith is speechless. 

Joan Rater On "The Becoming"

Meredith wants to be a great surgeon.  She wants to succeed at this clinical trial.  But she keeps thinking about Derek.  Particularly his tongue.  Thoughts of kissing him keep interfering with the surgeries she loves.  So can Dr. Wyatt please give her some tools to make the thoughts stop?  Because Meredith feels like she has to choose.  Career or love.  She can't have both.

I went to see my first therapist in my twenties.  She was this nice woman on the Upper East Side of Manhattan who told me, when I started whining about my lack of career, that most people she sees in their twenties are either good at career or good at love.  Not both.   And it makes sense, both things compete for your attention.  You want to spend time with your boyfriend but your boss asks if you can do some overtime.   How to negotiate both successfully is hard.  And I think when my therapist said it, she was trying to make me feel better, sort of like, "Yeah, you have no career but at least your boyfriend sounds very nice."  But it didn't make me feel better.  It made me feel competitive.  Because when I said, "Really?  You never see people with a good career AND a good relationship?", she said, "only a few."  Only a few.  That's all I could think about after the session.  Who were these FEW and how could I become one of THEM?  It was a subtle shift in my thinking, but I began to think less about my problems and more about how to fix them.  I started to imagine the new me in my head - she was a woman of action!  She didn't sit around all day waiting for things to happen!  She made them happen!  I'm making it all sound very purposeful and dramatic when actually it was ten more years of therapy that included much whining and many more hours of inaction before I had what could even be called a career .... but .... I think that Dr. Wyatt knows that Meredith needs to be pushed into action.  So Dr. Wyatt basically tells Meredith she's being a coward.  Derek's with Rose and it's not heroic to let the love of your life go.  It's cowardly.  How's she gonna handle it?  Because no one can fix this for Meredith but Meredith.  What's she gonna do?  I wish I could tell you --

Stacy McKee on "Piece of My Heart"

On to Derek.  Who is all sorts of conflicted over working with Meredith on this clinical trial. On one hand, Meredith is finally shining professionally – and Derek doesn’t want to let her down. He wants her to shine, he wants to help her if he can… but on the other hand, he knows the reality of this clinical trial; he knows there are ridiculous risks. He also knows that the closer he and Meredith work together, the harder it will be for him if he can’t help her make medical history. She’s expecting greatness, and he isn’t sure he can deliver on that, which only feeds his anxiety about performing this first clinical trial surgery.

Zoanne Clack on "Where the Wild Things Are"

So what’s been going on in the 6 weeks (tv time) since we’ve been gone?  I’ve heard a lot of speculation out there, but Meredith is absolutely.  Not.  Pregnant.  Not even close.  Hasn’t even had sex.  With anyone.  Meredith.  Our beloved, “have-sex-instead-of-problems”, “meet-your-soul-mate-and-sleep-with-him-after-picking-him-up-in-a-bar” Meredith.  She’s traded sex for… therapy?  Therapy?  Our Meredith?  She senses there’s something wrong, something really wrong.  But she can’t put her finger on it.  Or can’t admit what she’s already put her finger on.  Therapy is interesting because it’s the one place you get to talk about yourself incessantly and someone actually LISTENS.  They’re actually paid to listen to your drivel.  And occasionally give you mind-blowing assessments of your behavior.  But Mer’s not quite taking full advantage of that.  But it looks like there’s some movement at the end… we’ll see what she does with that.  Maybe it’ll help her actually start acting like a human being around Derek.  They haven’t spoken in the entire six-week interim.  Mer’s been totally avoiding him and he’s been avoiding her.  But they can’t keep that up.  They can’t handle that.  Deep, deep down, on their basest levels, taking intellect out of the picture, they belong together.  They need each other.  It’s instinctual, base, feral.

Stacy McKee on "Kung Fu Fighting"

Let’s talk about Meredith. She ended the last episode by finally putting her mother to rest – by washing Ellis’ ashes down a scrub sink. And now – she’s reeling a little bit. Starting to reevaluate why she is where she is, why she’s being haunted by her past, why – after experiencing death and coming back from it – she’s still too scared to really move forward and go after what she really wants – what she really needs…

Meredith wants nothing more than to be strong and brave and… hardcore. And, in this episode, she comes so close. She’s lying there in Derek’s arms, and she starts to open up – to let him in. And, you can see it in Derek’s eyes. You can almost hear what he’s thinking in that moment – that this is it. He put himself out there two episodes ago, he told her that he wants a future – a real future – and he wants it with her… And finally, Meredith is about to answer him. With something other than sex in an on-call room. She’s about to let him in and admit to him that life is short, so fricking short. She wants that same future with him too. And yet…

She doesn’t. She stops short of actually letting Derek in and – as usual – shuts down. Just shy of REALLY putting herself out there. Almost hardcore, but… not quite. He knows it. And she knows it. Which is why she’s so messed up in the end.

Krista Vernoff on "Haunt You Every Day"

And I love that Mark points out to her that she fell pretty far from the Ellis tree. I think it was critically important to Meredith to hear those words, because the haunting Meredith is feeling, is the fear that she will die alone like her Mom did. Because Derek said he might find someone else before she’s ready. And she doesn’t know how to get ready. Cause she’s an emotional cripple who’s unwilling or unable to lay her ass down on a therapist’s couch for the many years it takes to work through issues like she has. Meredith’s version of therapy – her very best idea – is to bring her mom’s ashes to work. Y’know, in a strange way it makes sense – like, she understands that she’s been sticking her mom in the back of her closet, literally and metaphorically – and that if she doesn’t start to look at this stuff (i.e.: herself) she’s in danger of dying alone (i.e.; losing Derek forever.) Life is hard isn’t it? But I love and applaud Meredith’s ongoing willingness to try – as she explains to Derek when his hands are covered in mommy dust and he’s looking at her like maybe, just maybe he should escort her up to the psych ward, “This is me trying.” See, Derek comes from sanity, and a Mom who probably made him homemade Halloween costumes every year and chaperoned the school dances and things – so it’s hard for him to get, exactly how haunted Meredith is.

Allan Heinberg on "The Heart of the Matter"

As a GREY’S writer, the question I’m most often asked (by parents, siblings, friends, and agents) is “Why aren’t Meredith and Derek together?”  Especially since Addison is gone and there don’t seem to be any concrete obstacles standing in their way.  “Why,” they ask, “can’t those two just stop whining and get together and be happy for a change?”   And most of the time when people share their feelings on the subject, it’s poor Meredith who gets the blame.  She has issues.  She’s dark and twisty.  She’s self-destructive and can’t allow herself even a single moment’s happiness.  But I don’t think that’s entirely accurate or fair.  After all, Derek lied at the beginning of their relationship by not revealing he was married.  And then when Addison showed up at Seattle Grace, he left Meredith and went back to her.  So, I can understand why Meredith has trust issues with Derek.

But in terms of why they’re not together now, the most compelling analysis comes from Mark Sloan (and it’s a remarkable testament to the power of forgiveness that Mark and Derek’s friendship has survived to this point) when he observes that Meredith is essentially still an intern.  She’s just starting out -- as a physician and as an adult -- whereas Derek’s life and career are firmly established.  He knows exactly who he is and what he wants -- and he’s ready to settle down.  He’s ready to get married and build Meredith a house and have kids with her and grow old with her.  And I’m sorry, but Meredith just isn’t there yet.  Nor should she be.  She’s a second year intern who’s only now coming to terms with who she is and what she wants to be.

Meredith and Derek love each other -- they do -- they may even be each other’s soul mates -- but right now they’re at vastly different points in their lives.  It’s no one’s fault.  It’s just a fact.  And by the end of the episode when Derek gets on the elevator, I think he finally sees and accepts Meredith for who she truly is -- regardless of whether or not she’s able to give him what he wants in that moment.  He simply loves her.  In spite of everything that’s gone before and no matter what happens next.

Debora Cahn on "Love/Addiction"

See, here’s the thing:  anything can be addictive.  And it’s not always easy to spot when something slips down that slippery slope from experiment to habit to addiction.  Derek and Meredith thought they’d ended it.  Cold turkey.  White knuckle.  Over.  So over.  Well, it wasn’t totally over.  There was a bit of a hang-over.  A little no-strings-attached sex.  Just for old times sake.  No harm, no foul.  But the thing is, there is harm.  Derek doesn’t like it.  He wants to talk.  He wants to sleep over.  He wants lunch, with the woman he loved, or loves, or has some impossible to define love related interaction with.  He’s settling for just the sex, cause that’s all she’s willing to indulge.  But that’s only hurting him.  It’s just enough of the drug to keep him hooked.  Never enough to satisfy him, only enough to make him want more.  And he knows.  He knows he’s got a problem, but he can’t walk away.

Love.  It’s like crystal meth.

Shonda on the Season Premiere Episode "A Change Is Gonna Come"

Meredith and Derek are “broken up” by the end of this first episode.  But what does that really mean?  Especially when break up means break up sex?  Are they really apart?  Poor Meredith can’t quite deal with all that is expected of her in this relationship but they love each other, they really truly love each other and so…how much can they really be broken up?

I gotta say, I’m really rooting for the two of them to make it.  For Meredith to get her act together and learn to trust someone.  Someone other than Cristina.

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Live from Seattle - It's... Derek Shepherd?!

I wonder if Meredith heard about her boyfriend’s “hidden talents.” It’d be just a little awkward, considering that song was written at a time when Derek and Addison thought they’d end up together, forever, breathing life into each other until the end of time… Oh, man, I hope Mer didn’t hear the song herself…

Creepy Times

I heard that Meredith was actually this whack job’s primary doctor, too. Knowing Mer, she probably formed some super dark-and-twisty friendship with the guy and ended up kinda liking him. It wouldn’t surprise me, but I’m sure it’d piss off Derek…

I know that Derek’s dad was murdered a while back (he told me this a few months ago, in between one-too-many glasses of scotch). I’m not really sure if they ever caught the guy that did it (I didn’t want to ask too many questions). But, ever since, it’s clear that Derek doesn’t have a lot of patience nor tolerance for murderers and criminals…

I just hope Mer-Der are able to separate the personal from the professional when treating this dude at SGH, so that Derek can get on with his… PROPOSAL!!!!

That’s right, folks. Derek plans to propose to Meredith. I actually JUST heard the news (thank you, Twitter and Nurse Debbie). Apparently, Deb saw Derek walking around with a RING earlier today. Yes, a shiny, sparkly, diamond ring that only a world-class neurosurgeon like Derek Shepherd could afford. Okay, I actually don’t know if it’s expensive, or what it looks like, or where Derek got it, but Nurse Debbie assured me that IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

Flyin' Solo

Anyhoo – Meredith didn’t stay very long tonight. She said she had to get home to Derek. He “had a rough day.” It was cute. Mer is really, actually, truly, totally making a go at this whole committed relationship thing. I’m proud of her. I’ve seen her come a long way from her days of taking home random strangers from the bar. And, that, my friends, is a very good thing.

Major Owen Hunt Reporting for Duty

Although, not quite as weird as a diseased kidney in a jar.

Yes. A diseased kidney. In a jar. Derek came in tonight carrying one and then gave the damn thing to Meredith. As a “present.” As an, “I’m sorry I took all of the credit for the clinical trial that YOU developed now please take this diseased kidney in a jar and let’s get out of here and go home and have make-up sex.”

Well, I guess McDreamy’s plan worked because Meredith was elated with this very special – and very non-FDA approved – form of organ donation. I didn’t get it. It looked like that thing that jumped out of that dude’s stomach in Aliens. What’s so special about a diseased kidney in a jar? What, does the thing glow or something? Now that would be cool…

Cheers to George!

Derek made a special – albeit brief – surprise appearance tonight, too. It didn’t look like he was expecting to see Meredith having so much fun with her friends. Yeah, it seems like Derek didn’t want to interrupt or intrude, so he left… Meredith finished her drink and followed her man soon after…

Water, Water, Everywhere!

I didn’t see Meredith tonight. I didn’t really expect I would. I guess Mer-Der have officially moved in together so they’re probably busy doing official moving in together things… Unpacking, redecorating, kicking out roommates… You know, the usual.

Sweet Dreams

It’s true. I’ve been catching spiders like crazy lately. The health inspector paid me a visit last Tuesday. And Meredith and Derek are actually, totally and completely MOVING IN TOGETHER. It’s all happening. It’s all real. It’s all making it very difficult for me to sleep at night.

Spiders are scary. Health inspectors are even scarier. And, well, Meredith and Derek moving in together? Now, that, my friends, is ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING!

Am I being a pessimist? …So?

Hey, I want the Mer-Der to get their happy ending. I want Meredith to get over her commitment issues, her daddy issues, her mommy issues, her abandonment issues, her—okay, ALL of her issues… And I want Derek to get his act together, too. His mixed signal issues, his pride issues, his Nurse Rose issues… Yes, Derek has issues, too, I know.

The million dollar question is: Are Meredith and Derek both ready for this? Has therapy really helped my girl Mer? I hope so! Has Derek really gotten rid of that creepy Fatal Attraction Nurse Rose chick? Something tells me, yes. Is Meredith really going to kick Derek out of her house every time a patient talks about chipping pieces of yourself away in order to have a real, lasting relationship? I honestly don’t know.

I truly hope Meredith and Derek’s decision isn’t a mistake. I hope they can make this work. But, until I know for sure, I don’t think I’ll be getting much sleep…

It's About Time

I asked Yang about her cohort, Meredith. Where was she? Apparently, that was the question of the night. Derek had been searching the hospital for Mer earlier, but to no avail. Wait a sec, did Mer’s disappearance have anything to do with all those candles I saw her carrying just moments earlier?

Cristina had no idea what I was talking about. Candles, I said! Lots and lots of candles in lots and lots of little glasses! I was grabbing a jacket out of my car when I saw Meredith loading them all up in her car. Cristina shrugged… She was clueless. She knew that Meredith made medical history today with Derek, but Cristina didn’t know anything about candles.

So Meredith and Derek successfully completed their clinical trial?! They cured a patient’s brain tumor?! They’re popping open that bottle of champagne?!

It was then when Cristina shrugged and accused me of trying to take away “her moment,” but I simply waved her off. I was just so happy for Meredith! And I was even happier when I saw Nurse Rose in a corner of the bar… without Derek!

Do you know what that means? DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?! It MEANS Derek was with Meredith! It MEANS Derek and Meredith could (should) be reuniting (making out) as I type these very words! It MEANS Nurse Rose’s reign is about to come to a sad, sad end. And, for that, I just have to say: IT’S ABOUT DAMN TIME!

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Nurse Debbie On "Brave New World"

Okay, I’m sorry?? Do I hear, yet again, Meredith complaining about Derek? So the man wants a little more space. SO WHAT! So I’m sorry, he cooks for you and wants to talk and make your house a home for the both of you? I’m not going to go there again. I’ve said in almost EVERY blog that Meredith Grey is very lucky to have Derek Shepherd so I won’t go there again. But I will say this: It’s time to grow up. Let him love you. He means you no harm. I get that Meredith needs space. What woman doesn’t? I get that her mother’s journal and things are somewhat sacred. I so get that. But, Derek is there for her. Just her. And all the stuff she’s been carrying around for years…that load can be lighter if she just opens up. If she just trusts. If she just leaps. Don’t get me wrong, Derek moving in? A huge leap. I give her credit for it. But there is no point in moving in your boyfriend, if you’re going to treat him like a guest. Well, we’ll see what tomorrow brings for them. I think, it’ll be fine. Won’t it?

Nurse Debbie on "Here Comes The Flood"

Well, well… Look who’s decided to be all grown up and move in together? I mean, I KNEW this was coming. But what I did not know was Shepherd wants the “Breakfast Club” to move out. It’s funny that he thinks Meredith is ready to live with him all on her own. I mean, this is a big step for her. It would be a big step for anyone. I lived with a guy once: Stan, 1981. I met him at a Madonna concert. He had a Mohawk. A real one; not these weird faux hawks that these kids do nowadays because they don’t have the guts to shave their hair off. He was the real deal. Of course I had to ask him to leave once I caught him with my neighbor Gordon wearing leather chaps and nothing else, but I digress. My point is it’s a big step for a girl to move in with a guy. Usually, for the girl, it means this is it. She’s found the one she’s going to be with. She can breathe now. And for Meredith Grey to take such a huge step? Well, it means that Derek is the one but one has to be sure that he’s the one and why not have your friends there just to be sure? The man has more patience than anyone I’ve ever encountered. What successful, gorgeous, doctor that you know, would live with his girlfriend and her misfit friends? Exactly.

Nurse Debbie on "Here Comes The Flood"

Well, well… Look who’s decided to be all grown up and move in together? I mean, I KNEW this was coming. But what I did not know was Shepherd wants the “Breakfast Club” to move out. It’s funny that he thinks Meredith is ready to live with him all on her own. I mean, this is a big step for her. It would be a big step for anyone. I lived with a guy once: Stan, 1981. I met him at a Madonna concert. He had a Mohawk. A real one; not these weird faux hawks that these kids do nowadays because they don’t have the guts to shave their hair off. He was the real deal. Of course I had to ask him to leave once I caught him with my neighbor Gordon wearing leather chaps and nothing else, but I digress. My point is it’s a big step for a girl to move in with a guy. Usually, for the girl, it means this is it. She’s found the one she’s going to be with. She can breathe now. And for Meredith Grey to take such a huge step? Well, it means that Derek is the one but one has to be sure that he’s the one and why not have your friends there just to be sure? The man has more patience than anyone I’ve ever encountered. What successful, gorgeous, doctor that you know, would live with his girlfriend and her misfit friends? Exactly.

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